I have a Bonsai tree. I guess it isn't really a Bonsai tree. It is more of a pot-bound proper tree-kind-of-plant that would obviously love to grow to a real size if allowed. Its leaves are almost comically big. I brought it in to work one day when it was -30C or so (supposedly -43 with windchill) and it died. It came back to life and now I find myself rooting for it every day. It seems so hopeful.

I am currently at work hoping that my next case gets started soon. I would really rather not be doing this sort of thing in the middle of the night.
Sigh.

Well, I am going to visit my patients.
Today is a lonely day.

There are things, small fragments of memories. Like the whole time was reconfigured into an enormous vase which was dropped from a height. Bits and pieces are swept out, months later- Years later now. Disconnected and painful, with sharp edges.

I exist now as an almost fictional character in a single siting in an online blog. I feel as though part of me exists in another place now.

I cut up pieces of paper and arranged them around a map of my house.
I drew three sketches for my paintings. One is my nephew reconfigured as Kali. He will have his face- echoed in art from Hindu to gothic- sweet, gentle, almost transcending the narrative in which he is taking part. I have considered a portrait of him holding Pickle but I almost think that ought to be a photo.

Plans:
?yoga
?kyaking
?rockclimbing

Go to museum
Go to coffee house on Wed

SET UP STUDIO

I wasted my day today. It makes me scared when I do that.
Hopefully I just needed a day off after being on call for so many days in a row.

One of the great things about this journal is that I can write all of my anger and frustration down and stare at it, possibly to archive it or post it, or just erase it and watch those thoughts vanish letter by letter.

The sky tonight was bright dark blue. The leaves were so yellow against the sky like thousands of tiny angry flames. It was beautiful, almost heartbreakingly so.

When I move, I feel like that character who tucks the tablecloth into their shirt thinking it's their napkin and when they get up to leave they upset everything on the table, spilling the wine showering broken glass and cutlery over the floor.